Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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