My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
