Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize