It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
