There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
