I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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