someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
