Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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