I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
