just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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