what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize