We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
