it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
