If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
