I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
