Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
