At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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