You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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