At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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