Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
