I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I see more hoeing in ur future
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