i jhust puked up my retainher.
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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