god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize