Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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