i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
