And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
