Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
