i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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