I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
