last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize