Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
