your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
