she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
