I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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