Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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