so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
