he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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