im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize