Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
