My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
