Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
