my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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