Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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