Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
