Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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