I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So much rum. So many feels.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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