are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
