sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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