I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I deserve this hangover.
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