So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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