hotel room ftw
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to sanitize my soul.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
