dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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