the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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