Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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