I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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