Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize