Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
