On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
