Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
