**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
