you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
