3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he thought i was a dude.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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