He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
