JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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