Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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