i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
