A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
