Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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