I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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